Writing Better Lyrics Page 7

  Box 1: The hot July moon saw us down by the river having our first experience.

  Box 2: The hot July moon knew that our love, like so many before (“well-beaten path”), wouldn't last.

  Box 3: The hot July moon knew that, over time, we'd become unable to experience the innocence and power of first love — accumulated experiences would create too much awareness — “the fields have grown over now.”

  The moon grows from an observer to a prophet and predictor of the future. It becomes a bigger and bigger moon, needing bigger and bigger boxes. When you write a chorus, each line you include has the same responsibility: to be able to gain weight.

  Now look at this lyric, “Between Fathers and Sons” from John Jarvis and Gary Nicholson:

  My father had so much to tell me

  Things he said I had to know

  Don't make my mistakes

  There are rules you can't break

  But I had to find out on my own

  Now when I look at my own son

  I know what my father went through

  There's only so much you can do

  You're proud when they walk

  Scared when they run

  That's how it always has been between fathers and sons

  It's a bridge you can't cross

  It's a cross you can't bear

  It's the words you can't say

  The things you can't change

  No matter how much you care

  So you do all you can

  Then you've gotta let go

  You're just part of the flow

  Of the river that runs between fathers and sons

  Your mother will try to protect you

  Hold you as long as she can

  But the higher you climb

  The more you can see

  That's something that I understand

  One day you'll look at your own son

  There'll be so much that you want to say

  But he'll have to find his own way

  On the road he must take

  The course he must run

  That's how it always has been between fathers and sons

  It's a bridge you can't cross

  It's a cross you can't bear

  It's the words you can't say

  The things you can't change

  No matter how much you care

  So you do all you can

  Then you've gotta let go

  You're just part of the flow

  Of the river that runs between fathers and sons

  Another nice lyric. For me, it really hits home, especially in the first chorus. It touches both the son and the father in me.

  “Between Fathers and Sons” is made up of two boxes. Verses one and two plus the first chorus make up box one. Verses three and four plus the second chorus make the second box. Let's look at the first box:

  My father had so much to tell me

  Things he said I ought to know

  Don't make my mistakes

  There are rules you can't break

  But I had to find out on my own

  The speaker looks back at his father's attempts to help smooth the way ahead, and his own unwillingness to listen. Stubborn kid. Had to do it for himself when all that help was available.

  Now when I look at my own son

  I know what my father went through

  There's only so much you can do

  You're proud when they walk

  Scared when they run

  That's how it always has been between fathers and sons

  Now the speaker is the father, going through the same things with his own son. He understands what he did to his father, but understands that it was necessary, perhaps even inevitable.

  That's how it always has been between fathers and sons

  I love the structure of the verse — how it tosses in an extra line (line three), refuses to rhyme lines four and five, then extends the last line to focus our attention on the title. Lovely moves. Now the chorus:

  It's a bridge you can't cross

  It's a cross you can't bear

  It's the words you can't say

  The things you can't change

  No matter how much you care

  So you do all you can

  Then you've gotta let go

  You're just part of the flow

  Of the river that runs between fathers and sons

  So far, very effective stuff. I've been interested the whole time. What a nifty chorus. I love the play on cross:

  It's a bridge you can't cross

  It's a cross you can't bear

  and I love the metaphor

  You're just part of the flow

  Of the river that runs between fathers and sons

  The river is a divider of generations, but it's also the connector of generations. Between means “separation,” but it also means “from one to the other.” The pattern repeats from father to son to father to son to father. Neat word play. Both the message and the fancy dancing sweep me along. Now look at the second box:

  Your mother will try to protect you

  Hold you as long as she can

  But the higher you climb

  The more you can see

  That's something that I understand

  This sounds familiar. Not that I've seen things from the mother's perspective yet, but I have seen the father — in fact, both fathers — trying to protect the child. I've also seen the child trying to go beyond the parents. Not that this information isn't interesting, it's just not new. The ideas (if not the exact perspectives — she and you) have been covered. This doesn't bode well for the second chorus. We'll need development rather than restatement to keep repetition interesting.

  One day you'll look at your own son

  There'll be so much that you want to say

  But he'll have to find his own way

  On the road he must take

  The course he must run

  That's how it always has been between fathers and sons

  Oops. I know I've been here before. It's verse two with I changed to you. No need to try to universalize verse four with you. The idea was already universal. The second chorus is a goner. It can't help but say exactly the same thing as the first chorus.

  It's a bridge you can't cross

  It's a cross you can't bear

  It's the words you can't say

  The things you can't change

  No matter how much you care

  So you do all you can

  Then you've gotta let go

  You're just part of the flow

  Of the river that runs between fathers and sons

  It isn't so much that there is no advancement of the idea in verses three and four, there just isn't enough to give us a new look at the chorus when we get there. The power of this lovely chorus is diminished rather than enlarged the second time around, and we leave the song less interested than we were in the middle. Both boxes are the same size. Let's see if we can make the second box grow.

  The song contains two perspectives: a son looking at his father, and the son as father. If the first box could focus only on the son looking at his father, saying:

  My father had so much to tell me

  Things he said I ought to know

  Don't make my mistakes

  There are rules you can't break

  But I had to find out on my own

  Verse two idea (in prose):

  I kept him at arm's length.

  I didn't want him interfering with my life.

  He kept trying, but I wouldn't let him.

  That's how it always has been between fathers and sons

  Now move into the chorus:

  It's a bridge you can't cross

  It's a cross you can't bear

  It's the words you can't say

  The things you can't change

  No matter how much you care

  So you do all you can

  Then you've gotta let go

  You're just part o
f the flow

  Of the river that runs between fathers and sons

  We see the first chorus from the son's point of view, colored only by the son's eyes. Now the second box is free to look from the other side of the river:

  Now when I look at my own son

  I know what my father went through

  There's only so much you can do

  You're proud when they walk

  Scared when they run

  That's how it always has been between fathers and sons

  It's a bridge you can't cross

  It's a cross you can't bear

  It's the words you can't say

  The things you can't change

  No matter how much you care

  So you do all you can

  Then you've gotta let go

  You're just part of the flow

  Of the river that runs between fathers and sons

  The father's perspective colors the second chorus. It becomes — for me, at least — more interesting than the first chorus. Here is a simple principle for division of labor: Put separate ideas in separate boxes.

  The problem in “Between Fathers and Sons” is that both ideas are in the first box, leaving the lyric no place new to go. Separating the ideas into separate boxes makes both choruses fresh.

  DEVELOPMENT TIPS

  The principle of division of labor has practical applications for your song. Say you've written a verse whose summary is:

  You are really wonderful

  And I've been looking for someone just like you

  We should be together

  Love Love Love

  Love Love Love

  It's difficult to see where to go next. It feels like everything's been covered. Perhaps it might help to separate the perspectives, dividing the idea into the three different perspectives: (1) you, (2) I (me), and (3) we.

  Box 1: You are amazing. And beautiful. Your blonde hair flows over your milky-white complexion like chicken gravy over mashed potatoes…

  Love Love Love

  Love Love Love

  Box 2: I've been looking for a codependent relationship for a long time. Someone who'll mother me and let me do whatever I want to…

  Love Love Love

  Love Love Love

  Box 3: We'll always be together. Everyone I've ever loved is still with me…in the downstairs freezer…

  Love Love Love

  Love Love Love

  Okay, just kidding. But you can see how the boxes gain weight by separating the perspectives. Call it the “you-I-we” formula for lyric development: Each verse focuses from a different perspective. It's a nice guideline for dividing your verses' jobs.

  Or this — you write a verse that says:

  We were so good together

  But now everything's falling apart

  What's going to happen to us?

  Love Love Love

  Love Love Love

  This idea contains three tenses: past, present, and future. Try separating them into separate boxes:

  Box 1: We used to smile and laugh together, etc., so much in…

  Love Love Love

  Love Love Love

  Box 2: Everything's turned sour. What happened to…

  Love Love Love

  Love Love Love

  Box 3: Can we work to stay together, or drift away, only remembering how it felt to be in…

  Love Love Love

  Love Love Love

  So tense can also provide access to verse development, just like perspective can. Sometimes one or the other will be just what you need; other times, like any formula, they could take the freshness out of your writing. Be aware of these techniques, just beware of letting them become a habit in your writing.

  One more tip: Just because you wrote a verse first doesn't mean it's your first verse. Give yourself two chances. Don't just ask “Where do I go next?” Try asking “What happened before this?”

  Thinking about boxes from the outset, the minute an idea comes, is by far the best remedy for “second-verse hell” (songwriters' term for “Where do I go next?”).

  It's better when you find an idea that contains the DNA of its own development, or when plot does the development work. Look at this lyric, “One More Dollar” from Gillian Welch:

  A long time ago I left my home

  For a job in the fruit trees

  But I missed those hills with the windy pines

  For their song seemed to suit me

  So I sent my wages to my home

  Said we'd soon be together

  For the next good crop would pay my way

  And I would come home forever

  One more dime to show for my day

  One more dollar and I'm on my way

  When I reach those hills, boys

  I'll never roam

  One more dollar and I'm going home

  No work said the boss at the bunk house door

  There's a freeze on the branches

  So when the dice came out at the bar downtown

  I rolled and I took my chances

  One more dime to show for my day

  One more dollar and I'm on my way

  When I reach those hills, boys

  I'll never roam

  One more dollar and I'm going home

  A long time ago I left my home

  Just a boy passing twenty

  Could you spare a coin and a Christian prayer

  For my luck has turned against me

  One more dime to show for my day

  One more dollar and I'm on my way

  When I reach those hills, boys

  I'll never roam

  One more dollar and I'm going home

  Wonderful stuff. See how the lyric pulls us in with its sense-bound imagery, turning us into participants rather than observers? Her words are full of our stuff. And look at the lyrics using the box structure. Watch how the chorus gains weight, transforming the meaning of the chorus each time:

  Each verse moves the story forward, making chances of getting home more and more remote. Great stuff!

  Let's take a look at one last example, this one with a challenge in it. In this lyric, “Unanswered Prayers” written by Pat Alger, Garth Brooks, and Larry B. Bastian, the first two verses work to set up a clear situation:

  Just the other night at a hometown football game

  My wife and I ran into my old high school flame

  And as I introduced them the past came back to me

  And I couldn't help but think of the way things used to be

  She was the one that I'd wanted for all times

  And each night I'd spend prayin' that God would make her mine

  And if he'd only grant me that wish I'd wished back then

  I'd never ask for anything again

  Now comes the punch line:

  Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers

  Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs

  That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care

  Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

  With all the information we have so far, it's a little difficult to see how to develop the story much further. Here's verse three:

  She wasn't quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams

  And I could tell that time had changed me in her eyes too it seemed

  We tried to talk about the old days, there wasn't much we

  could recall

  I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all

  Now follow it with the chorus:

  Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers

  Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs

  That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care

  Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

  Is there anything gained? Not much. The boxes are roughly the same size. We already knew, from the combination of the first two verses and the chorus, how thankful he was not to be with his ol
d girlfriend. This verse just elaborates on the same theme, giving us a few more details, including the old girlfriend's attitude. And the final line, I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all, just repeats the idea just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care.

  In short, the second chorus is destined to die an ignominious death right there in front of everybody. Now the song moves into a bridge, followed by a third chorus:

  And as she walked away I looked at my wife

  And then and there I thanked the good Lord for the gifts in my life

  Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers

  Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs

  That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care

  Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

  Much better. I had forgotten about the wife. The third chorus is interesting again; it gains weight by adding the wife. Go back and read the bridge followed by the whole chorus.

  The wife becomes God's greatest gift. A lovely payoff.

  Two out of three choruses work great, but the song sags at the second chorus. There isn't enough new information in verse three to make the chorus interesting. Other than leaving it alone as good enough (two out of three ain't bad …), what would you do?

  One possibility might be to reintroduce the wife in verse three and skip the bridge entirely, like this:

  She wasn't quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams

  And I could tell that time had changed me in her eyes too it seemed

  As she turned and walked away I looked at my wife

  And recognized the gift I'd been given in my life

  Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers

  Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs

  That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care

  Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

  Now the song is a simple three verse, two chorus layout with both choruses doing their work. Read the entire lyric and watch how each chorus changes:

  Just the other night at a hometown football game

  My wife and I ran into my old high school flame

  And as I introduced them the past came back to me